Hairy used to think that her garbs were for life not just for Christmas, but now she thinks that they are for Christmas not for life. Or for Easter, or for weddings or bar mitzvahs, or Burns Night, Summer Solstice, Winter Solstice, Armistice Day, Trooping of the Colour, afternoons spent metal detecting around Aunty Muriel’s field looking for the holy grail etc. You get the idea, much like puppies, Hairy Marys are also just for special occasions.

SO, how does it work?

If you’d like to loan a piece that is available to buy, i.e. NOT marked as sold out then hit the LOAN ME button at the bottom of this page. This will take u directly into the matrix where u will have a discussion with Claudia Winkleman dressed as a pirate. Someone said something to me recently about not knowing when I’m being serious or not… I don’t know why they said that. ANYWAY. Yup so slap that LOAN ME button below to email me about the piece in question, tell me what, why and how long and I’ll think about it and let u know whether u can have it or not, based on how funny u’ve been in the email.

Will it cost me a pretty penny?

I will cost u at least a penny yes, whether u consider that a pretty penny is in the eye of the beholder. The flat rate for loaning an item for 3 DAYS is 20% of the full RRP. To make things simple this includes the dry cleaning fee AND both outgoing postage and a prepaid return postage label.

How does payment work?

Hairy will take the full cost price (RRP) of the item via a monzo payment link / bank transfer / paypal whatever works for you, and then once they item is return within the agreed loan time Hairy will refund you 80% of the RRP.

Can I loan for longer than 3 days?

Of course u can slapper! If you and Muriel need to metal detect for 4 or 5 days, it will be a flat fee of an extra £10 per day if you wish to extend beyond the initial 3 days.

Can I loan if I live outside the UK?

No… soz, well you can - if you send it to a UK address and then fly to the UK and wear it and then post it back from the UK and then fly home. By which point you probably should just BUY THE GODDAMN PIECE, and stop taking so many flights, Janet.

If I am free to come pick up from your studio and return to said studio can I?

YES! And if you do that, I’ll be knocking a tenner off your total loaning cost as u will have saved us all the bother of dealing with Royal Mail. The studio is in North-West London (I will tell u where exactly once u promise not to stalk/rob me x)

What’s the catch???

Well like all things in life, if there’s no threat of danger, there’s little point in doing it. Here the threat is, (to quote Janet Planet, iykyk) you break it - you buy it. Fairly straightforward that part - if the piece/pieces are returned in a condition Hairy deems as unsellable (rips, tears, stains that can’t be removed you get the gist) then I’m afraid, Sunny Jim, you wont be getting that 80% deposit back. Late fees will also apply, £10 per day past it’s agreed return date and if this gets to1 week delayed the 80% deposit will once again be lost, vanished, gone with the wind, ashes to ashes dust to dust etc. (Obviously, Hairy isn’t a monster, extenuating circumstances do apply). DON’T BE AFRAID tho, you’d be hard pressed to wreck Hairy’s garbs, unless of course ur a wreck head - in which case Hairy might take ur money, but she will also welcome u with open arms.

Can I loan Hairy Herself?????

For the right price.